"How was your weekend?" my colleagues ask.
"Great!" I answer, thinking I had my first miscarriage.
I told myself that I would think in all the appropriate terms. Zygote, blastocyst, embryo. I know all the statistics. I know that I had a 20-50% chance that it would end too soon. I wouldn't skip ahead. I would take each day as it comes.
But as I felt those twinges inside me, I got attached far too quickly. I imagined being pregnant during the Winter holidays, and the baby being born in Spring. We would have our first child before I turned thirty.
I should be happy, that I know that we can now at least get pregnant, that somewhere inside me a sperm can meet an egg. Objective: fertilisation - achieved. This should be a good sign.
However, I can't help but feel a little empty.
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So sorry about your chemical. My first loss was at 8.5 weeks after femara + progesterone. the second at 4.5 weeks (beta hit 500 before falling) from a femara + gonal-F + IUI. IVF has finally helped us. I know how badly it sucks. Somehow it seemed like it wouldn't be so tragic if you only took 1-2 cycles to get pg, but after such a long wait...
ReplyDeleteI'd probably still go for the laparoscopy. If they find nothing, you're reassured that it's not endo. I assume they'll do a dye test to make sure both tubes are spilling while they're in there? If they find endo, the'll be able to take care of a lot/all of it, and that should really help your chances of having a baby.
I do anesthetics for laparoscopies all the time. Really, for a young healthy person it's not a big deal. Very safe. Can't speak to the pain afterwards, but it's not supposed to be too bad. Good luck making your decision!
Regardless of your profession, it's okay to feel disappointed or upset. It is completely normal. And, it is something that will stay with you always. I work in the healthcare profession as well, but when I had my ectopic - the world stopped moving and all the statistics and data went out the window. I grieved. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself to something nice.
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