I started bleeding today. Chemical pregnancy. Four weeks and six days since my last menstrual period. Twenty one days post ovulation.
We have a houseguest with us, so I must act normal inside the house. So this morning I sat out on the fire escape, freezing in my pyjamas, quietly sobbing while I watched the people down below. Then I logged onto Fertility Friend and ticked 'miscarriage', and was informed that my status had been changed from "pregnant" to "waiting for ovulation".
I don't know where we go from here. I would like to hope that it is a positive sign, that it means that at least one of my tubes is not blocked and the sperm can swim. But why has it taken us this long to even get to this point? Do I still need a laparoscopy? Do we move straight to IUI?
As I look down at all the blood, I can't help wondering where the little poppy seed is, and how it failed to find a foothold in the dark.