Yesterday afternoon, I picked up a digital pregnancy test, or a "test de grossesse / zwangerschapstest"" as they are known here in Belgium. Sixteen euros. Sheesh. Luckily, instead of trying to fit "enciente/ pas enciente; zwanger / niet zwanger; gravid / ikke er gravid" into the tiny window, there is simply a plus or a minus. So I come home, and use the fancy test. The hour glass flashes, and I put it down to wait. Three minutes later, I return, and I think that I catch a glimpse of a minus sign. Yep, I think, that's more like it.
But then I pick it up, and this is what I see:
It still feels very academic to me. Like this stick that I'm holding is referring to someone else. I still don't feel any difference - just some very mild pre-period cramping.
Still, I know I have to tell my husband. Maybe that will make it real. I pop out to a local baby store. It takes me a long time to walk in. Once in, I feel as if everyone is looking at me. After a long deliberation, I pick up a cute bear onsie for newborns. It looks disturbingly large. I come home, wrap it up, write a note, and order pizza.
Over dinner, my husband tells me about his day. I am terrified of telling him. I still don't feel like it's true, and that I am jumping the gun or making it up. So I give him the gift, and a card that says "I am pregnant. I am due on the 9th of May, 2010. I love you". He looks at me with wonder and amazement, and pulls me over to the couch. "Wow", he says, as we touch noses. I can't stop holding the positive pregnancy test. It is the only evidence that anything is difference. We spend the rest of the evening discussing wills and life insurance and maternity leave and childcare. It still doesn't seem real.