Thursday, 2 December 2010

Grateful

Thank-you all for your excited comments and congratulations. There were over 100 exclamation points in your replies. I was really moved to read such excitement, especially as many of you have been through so much more than we have, and you are still waiting for your own good news.

Many of you asked why I didn't announce this sooner. There were two main reasons.

1. I wanted to wait for my husband to come back home so that I could share this news with him in person.

2. I am still skeptical that this all means what everyone think it means. Sure, I have an exponentially increasing amount of hCG in my serum, and I feel a little queasy and tired, and I haven't seen my period for over 6 weeks, but still, I don't know.

I look at those pictures of month-old fish-like embryos and read phrases like "the neural tube closes" and "small buds will soon become arms" and "heart contractions start", and they all sound preposterous. I bought a pregnancy book but then put it away because it seemed completely irrelevant.

I find myself remembering all over again 100 times a day, and every time it surprises me. I have spent so many years day-dreaming about getting pregnant that this feels like just another fantasy.

As I said before, pregnancy is what happens to other people. Not me. And especially not without an embryologist.

Twelve days until my first ultrasound. I hope to see some wonderful sights that day that change my mind.

11 comments:

  1. I can completely understand your feelings. I toggle between feeling completely overwhelmed with excitement to living in fear that this is just the beginning of yet another disappointment.
    It's a curse that those of us who have waited so long all seem to face.
    I would certainly take comfort in the fact that your HCG numbers are as strong as they are. I hope your ultrasound can bring you the peace you need to enjoy this pregnancy. :)

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  2. I, too, hope that you see wonderful sights that day. A nice, strong heartbeat and little bean snuggled in nice and tight!

    My symptoms to date have pretty much been the same as yours so far - queasy and tired. Those are legit, you know!

    Sometimes I reread my comments and realize that I use exclamation marks far too liberally. But SOME occasions totally call for them. Like THIS one!!! :)

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  3. Wow! What wonderful news! Wishing you all the best for your ultrasound...you give me hope that miracles can happen!

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  4. Totally understandable to feel the way you are feeling! I will be crossing all fingers & toes & saying many prayers for wonderful news in 12 days :) Eeeeek - so excited for you!!!

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  5. Wow, that's fantastic news, congratulations!!! :)

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  6. Well that makes sense!! I think this is IT though. Bloody fantastic. Is the hubs back yet? I think I may have contributed to some of the !!!! but I love the fact you counted them - a true scientist!! oops there i go again :)

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  7. Twelve looooooooooong days. There's no drought of waiting in all this, even when the numbers start to go in your favour!

    Again, congratulations! (I think you're going to owe us all new exclamation keys for our keyboards soon. ;-) )

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  8. First off, yay yay yay!!! Congrats!!

    Second, it will seem surreal for a while...but I hope it all starts to sink in soon!!

    Congrats again :)!!

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  9. Here are some more - !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So many of us totally get every single feeling in your heart and mind right now. And that's why we're all here cheering you on :)

    And yes, that u/s will change your life forever in the most wonderful way possible!!!!!

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  10. I love that you counted the exclamation marks. :)

    I do understand what you mean about the unreality of the entire situation. I found the early ultrasounds didn't help very much, as the baby was basically a blob (at 6w2d) and then a larger peanut-shaped blob (at 7w3d). But our ultrasound at the 8 week mark was definitely looking more like a baby. So I hope your ultrasound will help make it seem more real.

    That said, I'm now 17 weeks, and since I can't feel any movement yet, and have no symptoms, and don't have a very big belly, I still think that this whole thing doesn't seem real. I think a big part of me is still expecting them to tell us at our 19w ultrasound that something is horribly wrong. So I do hope once you have your ultrasound you can enjoy the first stages of the pregnancy, even if it seems unreal. Because I definitely feel like I haven't bonded with this baby yet.

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  11. Counting ! is the cutest thing I ever did read.

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    More.

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