Unbelievable

-1 dpo (days post ovulation)
I have my final Menopur injection, and a Pregnyl shot to trigger the release from a single 16.1 mm follicle. It is on my right ovary, the one with the partly blocked tube. My endometrium is a very thin 6.7 mm. It looks gloomy.

0 dpo
I have a romantic evening with my husband.

2 dpo
I get a call from the clinic telling me that our frozen embryo didn't make it, and our FET is cancelled. They tell me they can't book me in for a follow-up consultation for another seven weeks.

9 dpo
My husband leaves for a conference in a developing country with no phone contact and sporadic dial-up internet.

14 dpo
I am alone in the house. I figure there's no one there to laugh at me when I pee on a stick. This way it won't be such a shock when I get my period today. However, I look down, and I see the strangest thing:

A spectacular positive test. I had to blink several times, I was sure I was dreaming or hallucinating. No squinting, no colour correction (unlike all the other times). Two very strong lines. Then I remember the 5,000 U Pregnyl trigger 14 days ago. Is it just the trigger? No, it's too strong, and a 10,000 U Pregnyl shot was out of my system by 12 days during my last IVF. So then it must be real.

My husband doesn't respond to any of my text messages. I email a picture to him, but it is a long eight hours until I get his excited reply. He tells me that he secretly had his hopes up for this cycle.

I should make an appointment to get a blood test, but it feels too surreal. I tell myself I'll test again tomorrow and see how that looks.

15 dpo
Well, there's no mistaking this test for anything else:

It still doesn't seem real, and it takes me nine hours to psych myself up to call up the fertility clinic and tell them the news. I was sure that they were going to yell at me for being delusional and making up stories, but instead I hear a smile in her voice as she books me in for a blood test.

16 dpo
I go in for my blood test, so nervous as I watch my blood fill the tube. It looks like the same old blood that I've always had. I can't see any hCG antigens floating around. I make the poor nurse check three times that the tube has my name on it and that they are going to check for hCG, not just LH and FSH.

The clinic surprises me by calling at 11:13 AM. I didn't even have time to get nervous. She tells me that I have a beta of:

1,097

I am in shock. Last time I was pregnant we had a beta of 477 at 20 dpo. A beta of 1097 falls in the top 4% of singleton betas at 16 days post ovulation. My progestrone is great at 31.0. She books me in for another test in a week.

19 dpo
I am tired and sleepy, but then again I am always tired and sleepy. No spotting, no sore breasts, no nausea. Apart from the lack of a period, I do not feel any different. I suspect this is some sort of trickery. I take another pregnancy test at 2 weeks, 5 days post ovulation. I believe it for about 5 minutes.




23 dpo
I go in for my blood test, and again make the nurse triple-check that the label is correct on my tube is blood. I work from home because I can't imagine taking this call in an open office, plus I am too nervous to concentrate properly on anything else. By 12:30 they still haven't called. The later they call in the day, the worse the news, right? At 12:37 my phone rings. I pick it up with shaking hands.

Calmly the nurse tells me that everything looks good, and I am graduating from the clinic. I need to make an appointment with gynecology for an 8 week scan. I am in shock. I ask her for my beta number. "The gynecology number?", she asks. No, the hCG number. She tells me it is:

13,843

Which works out to a very respectable doubling time of 45.93 hours. My progesterone still looks good at 31.4. I beg her to let me pop in for a quick search for a heartbeat, but she says that their work is done.

After sharing the news with my husband, I sit and stare at the screen for about an hour. Then I pick up the phone and ring the gynecology department and book an 8 week scan like any other normal woman would.

28 dpo
Today. I still don't know what to think. I always thought that pregnancy was what happened to other women. I still don't quite understand how we got this fortunate. The embryo failed to thaw. The follicle was on the wrong side. My endometrium was too thin. This is just so unbelievable.

So how do I feel? Tremendously excited. Hopeful. Thankful. Lucky. Worried. Happy.

(If you somehow know me in real life, please keep this information to yourself).

IVF#1: BFN

Well, it's official. After getting my period yesterday, I was expecting a zero on my beta today, and that's what I got: Not pregnant. I was quite sad yesterday, which worried my husband. He doesn't like seeing me so down, and just wants me to be happy. But I can tell that he will make a wonderful father, so I think it is appropriate for me to be disappointed that I won't get to see him in that role just yet.

The nurse told me that I could start my FET cycle right away if I wanted, but annoyingly I will be away for work next week, so it will have to wait another month. We are always waiting, aren't we?

We have my follow-up consultation with the head of the clinic on Thursday. To summarise this cycle: BCPs, Suprefact supression, 14 days 150u Menopur, 9 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilised (without ICSI), a Day 3 transfer of a 7-celled embryo, and a single 6-celled embryo frozen.

These are my questions for the Professor:

FET cycle
• How fragmented was our 6-cell embryo at freeze?
• What are the chances that this embryo will survive the thaw?

Next fresh cycle
• Given that no embryo reached the 8-cell stage, what are our chances of success in future fresh cycles?
    o Does our history of a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage influence this?
• Will I be on a different drug regime next time around?

Donor embryos
• Can you tell us about your frozen embryo program?
    o Does the six month waiting period apply for every frozen donor embryo transfer?
    o What criteria do you use to match couples with embryos?
• Can we sign up for donor embryos now while still attempting our own cycles?

Thank-you all for your support during this difficult process. Can you guys suggest any other questions that you think might be appropriate to ask?

20dpo: Beta #1

Well, the lines on the pregnancy tests have been getting darker and darker. The one this morning was almost as dark as the control line. So I figured it was time to bite the bullet.

I rocked up to my fertility clinic as soon as it opened. As quietly as I could, I explained to the receptionist that I didn't have an appointment, but I had gotten a positive result on a home pregnancy test. She told me that it was probably too early, and I should just wait until my Beta appointment. I told her that I was in between treatments. She looked surprised, but booked me in.

About ten minutes later they called me in for the blood test. Funny how now I can now calmly watch them poke a needle into me and collect a vial of blood. The nurse asked me if this was a pregnancy test, and I told her yes. She asked me what I felt about it, and I told her the home urine test came back positive. She smiled, and asked me if I had used IUI or IVF. I sheepishly told her that I was on a break between treatments, and that I had just had sex. She immediately began quizzing me about symptoms: nausea, sore breasts, etc. When I told her that I didn't really feel any different, I could see the doubt in her eyes.

I am sure we were both thinking the same thing: Hysterical pregnancy

Then I had a day of work to get through. I knew that they would call me between noon and 5pm. I called my phone a few times to make sure it was working (then freaked out 5 minutes later at seeing a missed call on my screen). I set myself up in a meeting room for the afternoon, segregated from our open-plan office. At this stage, I need a beta of at least 111.

Noon. No phone call.

1pm. No phone call.

2pm. No phone call.

3pm. No phone call. Give 30 minute presentation in 17 minutes and scoot everyone away.

4pm. No phone call.

4:15. Call the clinic. My beta is:

477!

They wash their hands of me and give me an appointment with gynecology/ obstetrics next door on the 1st of June for an ultrasound. The nurse starts asking me who I have picked to monitor my pregnancy, and I tell her that I haven't even started thinking about it.



I still can't believe that I am pregnant. I am so happy. So thankful.