Friday, 13 August 2010

The Pregnancy Announcement that Broke the Camel's Back

I have a friend. We shall call her Emma. She is 36. She lives in a different country, but we visit each other occasionally.

For the past two years we have been talking getting pregnant. While we have been trying to conceive, she has been holding off, waiting for everything to be perfect. I warned her about waiting. I told her that at our age, it can take a very long time to get pregnant. "Or for some people it can happen straight away" Emma told me. I sighed, and figured that she would have to learn the hard way.

Last time I saw Emma was March, when she told me that they had just "sort of" started trying. I sent her an invitation to fertility friend. I told her that we were planning to start IVF this year. "What's IVF?" she asked me. I sighed again, and figured at her age there was a chance that she might soon have a very good understanding of what it was.

As it was nearing Emma's six month mark of trying to conceive mark , and I was about to send her an email suggesting that she see an infertility specialist without delay. I could pass on my advice on laparoscopies and blood tests and sperm counts. We could commiserate together on the difficulties of falling pregnant, and I would have a good friend with whom I could share stories and complaints.

Then, I get this email from her yesterday. Four paragraphs in, I read:

"I am 18 weeks pregnant, due in January 2011".

I realised that Emma and I fell pregnant around the same time in May, only two months since they started trying. While my pregnancy ended in miscarriage, hers ended up in a baby bump and pregnancy announcements and decorating a nursery. Which is wonderful. Which is the way that all desired pregnancies should progress.

So of course, I promptly burst into tears. At work. In front of my computer.

I felt so betrayed. She was supposed to be my infertility buddy. I know so much more about ovulation, conception, fertilization, blastocyst formation, and implantation than she does. And yet she just had sex with her partner for a few months, and now Emma is the one who gets to have a baby in January.


  1. That bites. As does the fact that she waits till 18 weeks to tell you in an email. Kind of underhanded, somehow.
    So sorry. I'd have burst into tears too.

  2. I'm sorry. It's never easy when dealing with IF and someone close to you get pregnant so quickly.

  3. Some friends positives are harder than others. I totally understand.

    Wishing you tons of luck with this cycle! Hopefully in a few weeks you will know you dont need a fertility buddy anyway :)

  4. Ugh so hard, always in that middle place of happy for them, sad for you and why her, not me? I hate it. I'm here from CycleSista and I'll be checking in and rooting you on!

  5. Oh yeah, that sucks! I had a similar thing happen where I did all the research and mentioned to a friend about Vitex and she took it and BAM preggers first month taking it! I was happy for her but gutted for me. Totally get how you feel! (((HUG)))